


Song of the poet

by Akiko_kitsune



Series: Song of the poet [1]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, First Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Platonic Romance, Takasugi is a blushing mess, Teacher-Student Relationship, and he catch a cold, this isn't tuberculosis don't worry, two dummies in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-08-27 21:22:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16710262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_kitsune/pseuds/Akiko_kitsune
Summary: What if Shouyou never got arrested, if Shouka Sonjuku survived, if Gintoki and others never went to a war? What would it change or would it change anything? And if the school was still working, would they, especially Takasugi, leave it behind and start their own life?





	Song of the poet

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is something I've been working with ups and downs for way too long. I hope it turned out decent.
> 
> The use of OCs was inevitable, cause there has to be someone studying at Shouka Sonjuku when our boys grew up, but they won't interrupt much the plot.

The war ended. The human race had lost. Did it matter? Shouyou didn't care about it until they were still alive and breathing. He kept his students safe. For him, it felt like a win. He kept them away from the war, from seeing the worst side of the world which he had learned by heart.

It took a few years for Earth to revive. Only a few years to make a paradise from hell. It seemed impossible. But when Shouyou was observing it happening, he finally felt similar to something. His existence was also impossible. Yet, he did exist and now he was there watching as Earth healed, watching its rebirth. Maybe only beings limited by death couldn't understand it and call it impossible. He needed to find his own way to describe the world.

During those years Shouyou started to notice one more issue. Some things do have an end. One day he would have to let his students go. He couldn't hold them by his side whole their lives. He wanted them to find their own ways which would be impossible if he kept hiding them from the world. So Shouyou suggested his oldest students to travel, to try the world on their own. Letting them go like this was terrifying for him. However, they were stronger than he had ever been. He knew they could manage it. He knew they would grow as the greatest men of this world.

His oldest students were already spending more time in the outside world than in school. It was good. It was better for them. They were starting their own lives. If they needed anything, they could always come here and ask him for help or advise. Shouyou didn’t leave them completely alone in the dangerous world, did he?

One day they wouldn’t come back. He knew it. He thought he could deal with it, but every time he saw them leave, he got overwhelmed with his emotions. Fear, loneliness, sadness... The more time he spent with those kids, the more complicated his feelings were. But he could tame his weaker side. Mute his selfish thoughts. Smile and cover all his fears. His students were more important.

Also, they wouldn’t be his students, if they didn’t make any trouble. Shinsuke never wanted to leave. Even if Kotaro and Gintoki stopped showing up at school, even if Shouyou convinced him to travel, Shinsuke was always coming back as soon as possible. Like he couldn't free himself from this place.

Shouyou couldn’t understand it. Was there something that kept him here? Or there was something outside that make him come back as soon as he could?

He shouldn’t worry so much. There wasn’t any trouble Shinsuke couldn’t find his way out. Or was there?

Shouyou sighted. He never knew what to do about this boy. Again and again, Shouyou got lost in thoughts about him when he was gone. Like now. It had been three weeks since he left.

Maybe Shinsuke needed a bit for time than others and there was no need to overthink it.

Shouyou heard knocking on his door. It definitely wasn’t a good day to work. He stood up and went to open the door.

Shinsuke. He came back.

Sometimes Shouyou forgot how many years passed. It felt like they were still that no-good brats he met yesterday. But when he looked at them when they came back after some time, he noticed how much they had changed. They had grown up. And he couldn’t be more proud.

"Welcome back." Shouyou smiled.

Maybe it would be better if he stopped coming back. One day he will notice that his teacher wasn’t an ordinary human. That he hadn’t aged a day whole this time.

Shouyou tried to shook off this thought.

“Come in." He let him inside and closed the door after him. They sat opposite each other. Shouyou gave all his attention to his precious student. They spent so much time talking here that all those actions were natural.

"How was your trip?" Shouyou asked. He knew it was either _tiring_ or _as always_. He took his time to watch his student to notice everything he wouldn't tell him. "You look a bit pale... You didn’t catch a cold on your way here?” Shouyou sighed. “That is why I prefer when you travelling with Kotaro. He’s always keeping an eye on you... How is he?”

“Zura tries to get into politics.”

“Not an easy choice those days for a man of honour like him."

"After all those years with Gintoki, Zura threw his decency out of the window. He knows how to play dirty if it's needed. He wants to change the world, so such a small thing as honour won't stop him for long. Maybe you teach us too well to fight for the better world?” he smiled slightly. “Gintoki stayed with him. In case of any problems.”

“Maybe you should have stayed with them too? Not every problem can be solved by force.”

“I thought they could handle it. I got bored in the capital.” Shinsuke turned his gaze away. There were too many words he avoided to say out loud.

“Am I supposed to believe you got bored with Gintoki and Kotaro?” Shouyou smiled.

“I wanted to come back here.”

“You’re always coming back first... I was just thinking about it...”

“Is it wrong, sensei?”

Shouyou sighed. He didn’t know what to tell him. He couldn’t bring himself to tell him to leave. These kids were everything for him. And he was aware that somehow he was important for them too.

“Shinsuke, this place will be always your home. I’ve been only wondering if there is anything that might bother you..."

"Everything's alright. Don't worry about me."

"Okay. You’re surely tired after travel and I keep nagging you with questions. We can talk tomorrow.”

 _Are you already throwing me away?_ Shinsuke thought, but he didn’t let his expression to show it. He kept quiet and walked away as Shouyou wanted.

The school didn’t change at all.

Why would it change? He was away only for a few weeks, although it was one of his records. Usually, he could only take a few days trips, week or two if Gintoki and Zura needed him for something. He didn’t have anything to do in the outside world. He didn’t try to look for anything to do, but he knew it wouldn’t interest him. Everything he wanted was here, so he wanted to stay. Simple. Nearly pathetic.

Shinsuke walked faster. He was only wondering around, but it was looking like he was trying to run away from his thoughts. Or to change all his emotions into motion. Whatever to mute them. No matter how much he practices, he couldn’t learn how to run away from his thoughts. At some point, they were always catching him. It was only a matter of time when he was going to give up to them.

He strayed from buildings. His steps slowed down. He gave up.

He wanted to stay here. To stay close to Shouyou. It was stupid and childish, but it was all he wanted. And if he wasn’t hurting anyone that way and sensei let him be here, then it was all Shinsuke was going to do in his life. Just stay by his master’s side.

But this dream was going to end soon. His behaviour bothered sensei.

Wasn’t that obvious why he kept going back here?  Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was weird. Maybe it was wrong. Shinsuke always felt like it was something that he shouldn’t talk about. Or rather he couldn’t get his voice out to say it. Confide to someone wasn’t his kind of thing. But when he talked with Shouyou so many times and about everything, it felt weird not to tell him something.

It felt as if he was becoming speechless. Like with each day the more things stuck to the one he couldn’t say out loud. Maybe one day he would become mute. Or maybe he wouldn’t stay shut for any longer. Everything would break down. Till then, he kept everything inside till he didn’t know anymore what to do.

 

* * *

 

Next morning Takasugi was wandering around without any specific cause went to the kitchen. Most students he knew had already left school. There stayed only one girl - Ume. She was a few years younger than him, but after him, she was the oldest among those who were still here. And she was in charge of everything. Thanks to her, they were still alive. 

“Shouyou-sensei said you came back,” she said when she saw him.

“You’ve missed me?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I couldn’t live without you disturbing all my work. If you woke up earlier, there would be something for breakfast. Now, I..."

"There's no need."

"Like hell, I would let you wander off hungry. Sit. I'll make you something. If you're bored, talk about capital your friends. Whatever."

 

* * *

 

When finally Ume let him go, he wandered to the classes. He stood outside and listened to Shouyou's gentle voice. 

"There's nothing more I could teach you," Shouyou had said them once. So what? Takasugi still wanted to be here, to listen to his words, to look at how he smiled at his students.

He waited until the class was over before he came to Shouyou.

 _If I bother him, he can send me away_ , with this in thought he walked to him.

"Sensei..."

"We have a talk to continue, don't we?" he said with a smile.

His student nodded.

They moved to the veranda to talk.

“How the capital looks like nowadays?” Shouyou asked.

“It hasn't changed much. Most of the city reminds the same, there are only more and more amanto at the streets. We have to get used to them... They are not that different from humans. I met a few of them. The more they look like humans, the easier to forget who they are. There is a race which looks exactly like humans. Only their skin is paler and they always cover themselves from the sun. And these are the only visible differences. But when they start to fight... I’ve never seen stronger warriors. Even Gintoki would have a problem fighting them off.”

“Oh, really?”

Shouyou had heard about them. Yato. The strongest race in the universe. Ruthless beasts. War machines. Yet his student kept talking about them like they were no different from them. After all, he was the one who dared to challenge Gintoki. Time after time no matter how big was the gap between their force. It might have been seen as being reckless, but Shouyou actually admired this trait of his.

Also his attention to details. It made each of his stories captivating. Seeing the world through his eyes Shouyou started to like it. Even if Shinsuke didn't avoid telling him about less noble sides of humanity, all the good things he mentioned were bringing hope. 

Although that day Shouyou couldn't focus on it. Shinsuke was coughing from time to time and he still looked pale. It was worrisome. At least he came back and Shouyou could keep an eye on him.

 

* * *

 

"You're up at this hour?" Ume asked seeing Takasugi in the kitchen in the morning.

"I couldn't sleep. At least I can help you with breakfast..."

"Wait," she pushed him on a chair. "Did you get any sleep this night?"

"Some."

"Liar."

He kept quiet.

"You have to take care of yourself. You already look sick."

“It’s just a cold.”

“In your case, it’ll be pneumonia soon.”

“I can take care of myself.”

She rolled her eyes, but she didn’t say anything more. She knew it was useless. Maybe sensei would make Takasugi change his mind and give himself some rest.

 

* * *

 

“Should you be resting?” Shouyou caught Takasugi cleaning up students' bedroom. 

"Ume sent you?"

"We all care about you."

“I wanted to help.”

“Did she let you?”

“No. I let myself.”

Shouyou sighted. He looked at his stubborn student. “Will you at least let me help you?”

“Yes,” he lowered his eyes and came back to work.

At least this way they would end it sooner. Shouyou pulled up his sleeves and he tied his hair into a ponytail. He caught his student glimpses.

To kill the time, Shouyou dared to ask something that was bothering him for too long. “Is there anything you’re afraid of?”

“Sensei, are you still looking for a cause I keep coming back here?”

“I do. If there is anything bothering you...” He looked at his student, “You can always tell me about it.”

At first, Shinsuke murmured something like “I know”, but after a few minutes he spoke up. “Sometimes I… What if something happens when I’m gone, you will have to move away and… How would I find you again?”

“Maybe you wouldn’t.”

“What should I do if something like that happens, sensei?” he looked at his teacher. Shouyou could feel how lost he feel about it.

“Maybe stop looking for us. Start your own life. Find Gintoki and Kotaro, so you won’t be alone, but try to start something on your own.”

“Or I can stay here and help you.”

“One day you will leave.”

“No.”

“I don’t think there is anything more I can teach you.”

“It doesn’t matter. I just want to stay here.”

Shouyou went silent for a few moments. He sighed. Maybe he was overthinking it. “I couldn’t understand why you behave differently from Gintoki and Kotaro and started to look for any problem. Maybe there is none. You were always an exceptional student.”

“Teacher shouldn’t pamper his students so much.”

“I’m only human. I have sweet spots for some people” he joked. “And I’m proud of you. Of all of you.” Shouyou watched him for a bit. How many times he just lost himself in looking at this boy. It was no good. "Shinsuke, please, take care of yourself," Shouyou said softly. He couldn't do anything more than asked Shinsuke for it. It was always difficult to approach him and take care of him. The only hope was in catching him off guard, but he was no longer a kid Shouyou could fool around.

"Yeah, I'll try," he murmured, but it didn't sound convincing.

 

* * *

 

Takasugi was getting worse. He knew it. But there were moments when he just couldn't stop and rest. There were too many things on his mind that he didn’t want to think about. So he needed to do something. Otherwise, he would go mad. 

When he was sitting on the veranda trying to catch a bit of rest, cheat his mind a bit, one of the younger students came to him.

“You know how to play it?” she asked.

He looked by his side. Right, he took shamisen with him. “A bit.”

“Could you play something for me?”

Takasugi had nothing better to do. He took the instrument into his hands. He hadn’t played it since he came back here. He needed a clear mind to do it and here his mind was never clear.

He tried something easy, so he didn't have to focus on it too much. The girl was watching him with increasing astonishment.

“Who taught you to play?” she asked when he finished a short melody.

“I learned it by myself.”

“Really?!” her eyes glowed up. “It’s amazing! Do you think you could teach me a bit?”

“I can try...”

 

* * *

 

When she left, Takasugi closed his eyes and leaned his head on the wall. He knew they were been watched, but he didn't mind. He waited for that person reaction. Nothing. Maybe he was wrong and no one watched them. His senses were numbed by the cold. 

No, it could be it. Someone was still watching him. That person still tried to stay unnoticed. Takasugi had to guess who that was. “You spy on your students, sensei?”

“You know I have some bad habits.” Takasugi heard him and then he heard his footsteps towards him. He opened his eyes and saw his always gentle smile. “I’m amazed. It’s amazing how much you learned by yourself... Maybe you would teach one day...”

“I’m no good at it.”

“I might have seen something different... Shinsuke, you would be a good teacher.”

His cheeks reddened. “Not as good as you are.”

“Who knows?” Shouyou smiled and sat by his student. “You might have other talents than ones I have. You see... I learned many things by myself too, although the music was always beyond my reach... Once...” he saw how the eyes of his student glowed up with interest. He hardly ever spoke about his past. Not to Shinsuke, not to Gintoki. To no one. But the words came out from him so easily when he was with this boy.

He couldn’t recall himself when it happened, which war it was. For him, all those fights were like one never-ending war. He never knew why someone was fighting, why someone was killing, why someone had to kill. Everything just happened. That was why he felt now like he was in the eye of the storm. Soon it would all end.

It wasn’t a time for that. He promised a story. He picked boy’s interest.

“On the war, a lot of houses are abandoned. Even if the war front passed them long ago. People don’t come back to some places. I stayed for a night in one of those houses. There was koto inside. I know, not the easiest instrument, but I didn’t have anything better to do that night. Before I had seen a few times how some people had played it. So I tried. I pulled the strings. It made some sounds, rather a noise than a melody and I hurt my fingers all over," Shouyou tried to smile. To make it into a funny story, but the memory on its own wasn’t funny at all. He remembered how scared and hurt he had been. How he cried and screamed. Until he destroyed that instrument. That memory was touching the part of his life when he was always scared and hurt. Wild, he could even say.

Shinsuke looked at his hands. His fingertips were wounded from pulling the strings. How many times had he practised until his fingers bleed? Why had he done it? Why did people hurt themselves so often?

“Maybe I lack your stubbornness” Shouyou smiled. "Don't sit in the cold so long."

"Cause you will hit my head again, sensei?"

"I'm afraid it doesn't work on you anymore."

 

* * *

 

“How are you feeling?” Ume asked looking at Takasugi caringly, while she was preparing dinner. “You don’t look good.”

“I’m fine.”

“You have a fever.” She reached her hand toward his forehead, but he brushed her hand away.

"I'm fine."

She rolled her eyes and returned to her duties. At least he was sitting in a warm room and soon he would eat something. That would help a bit.

Shouyou came to help them with preparing dinner. He also noticed that Takasugi wasn’t feeling good. He looked at Ume. She shook her head. It was better to not ask him again how he felt. It was bad. They had to figure something out. A first maybe try to talk him out of his defence mode.

At least Shouyou tried to solve it this way. “Midori always keeps the shamisen by her side. It’s her greatest treasure.”

Ume picked it up. “I heard her talking about it one day. She’s so passionate about it. And she’s so in love...” she looked at Shinsuke.

“Whatever.”

Silence fell on them. Takasugi was the first one to break it. Unfortunately.

“You never force Ume to go away, sensei.”

“Shinsuke...”

“I know, it’s not like that, this place is our home, you have our backs. I know. You keep telling us this since forever. I just want to stay. Is it that wrong? Am I bothering you that much?"

“I’m sorry,” Shouyou didn't dare to look him in the eyes.  “Maybe you’re right... Ume, maybe you should go too. At least to see how the world looks like now.”

“And who would look after you then, sensei?”

“We can manage it” Shinsuke throw.

“I can see it happening,” she scoffed him.

Shouyou sighed and left them to called his students for dinner. He simply ran away.

“I will go away one day,” Ume said when she was alone with Takasugi.

“I didn’t mean...”

“Like you could hurt my feelings. Work harder next time." Dinner was ready, so Ume could ignore him by doing something more important. She turned to him. "I meant that I was going to travel. One day I won’t come back, I know. But... You will stay by his side, right? Your friends have already started their lives outside the school, but you still keep returning here...”

“Don’t tell him about it.”

“Is anyone listening to me here?” she smiled. “Everything okay? You really don’t look well.”

“Yeah. A bit dizzy, but...” he leaned onto the wall to gain some stability. With the next breath, it was not enough. Everything turned black.

“I told you so” she sighed. "Do you always have to be so stubborn?" She walked to him and try to at least move him from cold floor to the tatami-covered part.

“What happened?” Shouyou ran to them. Ume had never seen him in such distress.

“He fainted. Collapsed from fever perhaps.” She brought her hand to his forehead and like she had guessed he had a high fever.

“I’ll take care of him.” Shouyou took him in his arms.

“I can help you, sensei.”

“There’s no need for it.” He looked at her.

She didn't push further. She let him go and do as he pleased. She understood look in his eyes.

He was desperately holding onto the last thing he could call his.

Even their master was tainted with fear. Even a mere cold he saw as a danger. It didn't mean Takasugi was that weak a cold was any serious threat to him. Ume had seen him pull through worse. It showed how dear he was to their master.

Teacher cared about all of them, she knew it. Especially dear to him were his first students. Still, she had never seen him holding onto something so strong.

 

* * *

 

Shouyou carried his student to his room. The futon was still in the middle of the room. Maybe Shinsuke felt bad since the morning so he didn’t have the strength to do anything with that.

It wasn’t the time to think about it. 

He laid Shinsuke on the futon.

He had to go to for some medicines and...

Shouyou didn’t want to leave him even for a moment. He sat by him and watched. Shinsuke was still breathing. Why wouldn't he? It was only a cold, not the end of the world.

Shouyou dared reach his hand and touch his cheek. The boy was overheated from fever.

_Why did you bring yourself to this point?_

_Why did I let you do it?_

There was no way to save his students from harm. People were fragile and careless. And in this case awful stubborn.

Everything would be alright. It was only a cold. He would soon wake up. Everything would be alright.

Years of pushing his own emotions away made Shouyou outburst like this from time to time. One day he would learn how to control his emotions better. He had to.

Now he had to calm down and take care of Shinsuke. He needed some medicines, water... When he opened the door, he saw that everything he might need had been already prepared and left in the corridor. There was no one in sight. He knew it was Ume. They would die without her.

 

* * *

 

The day was still bright when Shinsuke woke up. He looked so weak. How hadn’t Shouyou notice it earlier? How could he let him get to this state?

“I fainted?” Shinsuke groaned trying to change a bit his position. It wasn't the first time when he fainted and woke up by Shouyou side.

“From high fever. I brought you from the kitchen.”

Shinsuke turned his eyes away.

“I was worried," Shouyou started. "I feared our last talk to be an argument.”

“I only fainted. It happens.”

“And every time I’m scared.”

“I’m sorry. I... I won’t be so careless next time.”

“You will be.”

Shinsuke smiled and turned back to Shouyou. The teacher still seemed worried. Why? Everything turned out alright. It was only a stupid cold.

“I should have noticed earlier you’re in such a bad state.”

“It isn’t your fault... You know I’m not easy to be kept.”

“So I have to work out something. Will you let me take care of you today?”

“But since tomorrow, you will have to try harder.”

“I promise to be better tomorrow."

 

* * *

 

After it, Shouyou felt calmer about his student condition. Why did he react so violently at first? At least the worst was over and Shinsuke was finally resting. Shouyou was able to leave his side. He walked around. He carried out classes. Everything came back to normal.

While walking around he met Ume.

"I should apologize to you."

She looked surprised. It took her a moment to understand to what he was referring to. "Don't worry, sensei," she smiled. "I get it. You were afraid. It's normal. Human."

Could being human an excuse for him? He still let emotions took control over him. He should work over himself more.

"Sensei, can I carry him something eat?”

"I'll be thankful if you could do it.”

Ume nodded and turned to the kitchen. After a few steps, she turned back to him. “You should rest too, sensei.”

He didn’t need a rest. But maybe he needed some time to gather his thoughts.

 

* * *

 

“How is the most careless samurai feeling today?” Ume said walking into the Takasugi's room with a tray.

“If you keep talking like this, then like five year old,” Takasugi groaned and pushed a notebook he was reading under his pillow.

“You made everyone worry. Sensei stayed whole night by your side,” she didn’t stop at this, she continued, even if Takasugi didn’t ask her to. “When I offered my help he gave me that scary side eye look of his, you know," she said. She didn't expect Takasugi to understand. Everyone chose to ignore that other side of Shouyou. She also used to do it. Until she was the one to face it.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I thought you would like to know it."

"Why?"

"You always act like you don't care and like there is no one caring about you. It isn't true. He cares. He always does."

"I know."

 

* * *

 

Once more this year winter reminded people of its beauty. Although snowflakes were disappearing when they touched the ground, they filled the air with mist like whiteness. It made everything around calmer.

Shinsuke sat on the veranda to watch it, but soon he got caught in his thoughts. What did Ume even mean by saying him all those things? He sighed and closed his eyes. His mind wasn’t clouded by fever anymore but the sickness tired him. He needed a few days to be back in shape. He had to be more careful.

Shinsuke heard footsteps. The one that always made his heart beat faster and put a smile on his lips. He didn’t move. He knew it was Shouyou coming to him.

The sound of footsteps got closer and then disappeared. Shouyou stood in silence for a few moments.

“I know I shouldn’t sit in a cold. Give me a few more minutes.”

“If you say so.”

Shinsuke opened his eyes.

“You’re always keeping that notebook with you” Shouyou started. Shinsuke looked at his side, he had forgotten he even take it here. He got too distracted. “I’ve always wondered why you keep on doing this.”

“I’m not such a good student?” Shinsuke smiled. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m never using it as I should” He closed his eyes and leaned his head on the wall.

“So what is in this notebook?”

“Poems. I’m writing a bit...” he took a deep breath. “Nothing good or anything… just something to fill pages.”

“Can I...?”

Shouyou shouldn’t ask for something like this, but… there was some magic happening when they were so close. What was belonging to one, was belonging to the other. All the lines disappear. They bared themselves and let the other see it. It was happening without their knowledge. Sometimes in the middle, they noticed it, but they rarely stepped out. It felt good after all.

Shinsuke gave Shouyou his notebook. He hesitated, but he didn’t refuse. He never closed himself to Shouyou. He never pushed him away.

Shouyou sat next to him to focus on reading. Maybe this was his biggest mistake.

There were poems of various forms. Haiku, tanka, some not following any rule, but still having a rhythm. His words were still looking for the right form. Or maybe Shinsuke was still looking for the right words to say what was bothering him.

There was happening something inside this boy. Shouyou shouldn’t get so close. He couldn’t excuse himself anymore with want to help. It was a too obvious lie. But why he was pushing it so much? Why did he want this boy to talk? Why did he need to hear it? Why was he reading over and over his poems even if he’d already read between the lines, but he couldn’t face what he found?

Shouyou tried to focus on the subject of them, not to misinterpret them.

Some of them were simple descriptions of nature, of the world changing around them. Shinsuke had such a sensitive heart and so beautiful soul... He was his dearest student after all.

Most of the poems were about one person. One and the same person. It took Shouyou a while to understand it. He couldn’t recognize those moves, this tone of voice, those words. He had never look at it this way. He never looked at himself this way.

He knew what it meant.

They were love poems.

“So?” Shinsuke asked when he noticed Shouyou stopped reading. “What do you think about them?”

Shouyou knew this question was more than an ask for a critic. He knew it meant a lot more. He could tell that Shinsuke’s carefree tone was masking more than usual.

Shouyou didn’t know what he should say.

His fingers brushed the page. Such beautiful words shouldn’t be meant for him. He didn’t deserve them. How could he be an object of so great attention? Part of him wanted to believe in those words. Part of him was bursting with joy. But he had to be rational.

“Shinsuke, I... I don’t think I deserve your affection.”

“Since when emotions are rational?”

"Maybe you’re right.” Shouyou passed the notebook back to Shinsuke.

“Sensei... Are you mad at me?”

“Why would I...?” It caught Shouyou off guard. He looked him in the eyes. One mistake after another. For a moment he got lost in thoughts. How couldn’t he notice the amount of affection in his student's gaze alone earlier? "No, I’m not mad at you. I would never be mad at you for such a thing. And probably for anything...”

Shinsuke lowered his gaze. It helped a bit. Shouyou tried to focus.

He didn't have anything he could give him in return for his favours. He was only a broken man without any cause in his life.

Shinsuke hadn't asked for anything in return. He gathered feeling towards his teacher, but if Shouyou hadn't read those poems, all this would be left unsaid.

They could walk away and pretend that this situation didn't happen. However, did Shouyou want to pretend it didn't happen?

Did he start becoming greedy?

“How long have you...?” Shouyou started. So innocent looking question.

“How long have I had feelings for you?” He looked at him for a moment and at that moment Shouyou’s heart stopped. “I don’t know.” He looked down again. “It feels like since forever. I know it’s stupid, but...”

“Don’t say it’s stupid. It isn’t. You’re feeling what you’re feeling. It isn’t anything to be ashamed.”

Shinsuke smiled a bit.

“You always seemed so far away. No matter how far I would try to reach, I wouldn’t be able to catch you. No matter how hard I try, how much I work on myself, I’m no match for you. Even after all those years. Maybe it is impossible.”

“Don’t put yourself down. You’re surpassing me in many things. Sometimes I feel like I could learn from you. And..." Shouyou hesitated before saying it. It wasn't appropriate, but he felt those words were the most important. "You don’t have to match me to stay by my side.”

It made Shinsuke speechless for a moment.

"Sensei... I'm afraid I may interpret it wrong."

"And how do you interpret it?"

Shinsuke bit his lip.

“Damn it.”

He shifted towards Shouyou. He kissed him. He was going to win all or lose all. He couldn’t help it. As he began to show him his heart, he couldn’t stop it. If only Shouyou hadn’t found his poems...

Shinsuke moved back first, but he didn’t look away. He took all his pride and looked Shouyou in the eyes. All or nothing. “Should I go away?”

“No. Stay, please,” Shouyou said. He knew it wasn't the best answer to this situation. He should say something more. What words would be the right ones? How to avoid hurting him? How to say something that would be true? How to say something that would be right? What to choose if the right and the truth started to oppose themselves?

Shouyou was sure only about one thing - he became unable to let this boy go. He wanted to have him by his side. At least until Shinsuke changed his mind, which he definitely would do. If he looked closer, he would notice how worthless Shouyou was.

Yet, wasn't this boy watching him closely whole this time? And he seemed not to find any flaw that would discourage him.

“Do you...?” Shinsuke started, but he hesitated if he wanted to hear an answer to these words. Instead, he put his head on Shouyou’s shoulder. If only he could stay by his side, everything would be fine. Everything would be fine? Coward. He couldn't imagine his life without Shouyou. He didn't want to do it.

But he had already said too much. It wasn't hard to guess what he wanted to ask about. So he waited for whatever the next few minutes would bring.

Shouyou's arm reached out and embraced him.

"I love you." It felt so eerie to say it out loud. To let the world to know what had value to him. For a moment letting someone see his bare self. Maybe it wasn't the right thing to do, but he wanted to tell him this. Shouyou saw people fall in and out of love many times. He read about it. But he never felt this way. Until he met this boy.

"Can I kiss you one more time?" Shinsuke asked hiding his expression from Shouyou.

"You can."

Shinsuke pulled up to reach his lips. His kisses were as soft as the touches of snowflakes. He moved closer. He kissed him again. When he moved back a bit, soon Shouyou followed him letting their lips meet again. There was no thinking in it, they were longing for each other with every fibre of their beings. Their hands moved on their owns. Their bodies were matching each other like two halves splitted by the samurai's sword.

How cruel had to be the god to torn them apart?

It didn't matter. They had found each other. Now everything was back in order. Soon their kisses calmed and their touches slowed down.

Shinsuke moved again a little. His cheeks were reddened not only because of the cold or fever. Soon he nuzzled back into Shouyou’s arm.

 _You don’t want me to see it?_ Shouyou thought with a smile, but he let him hide with it. He could tease him about it later.

“Can we stay like this for a bit longer?” Shinsuke asked a bit unsure.

“Your cold will worsen.”

“Just a little bit.”

“Okay,” Shouyou gave in. He leaned his head on Shinsuke’s and watched as the snowflakes fall. As soon as they touched the ground, they melted. The most beautiful things always died so quickly. Maybe it was the only way to avoid corruption.

But maybe there was also some beauty in eternal things. Like in carved status which watched mankind for centuries. Or even like in stones and trees spread across the garden. They were here when Shouyou opened his school and they would be here for a longer time than any man, any building. Maybe something would be here longer than him.

Maybe there was this kind of beauty in him too? Shouyou didn’t know. He was still learning. Although, he had now someone to guide him.

Shouyou touched Shinsuke’s hand. The boy turned his palm up. Shouyou traced over the broken skin of his fingertips. This boy was always so stubborn to the point he hurt himself.  Shouyou would watch over him closer from now on. He had promised him to be better.

“I’ll play it for you one day,” Shinsuke murmured.

“I’m looking forward to it.” Shouyou smiled and let his fingers sink between Shinsuke's.

**Author's Note:**

> So it's all for now. I want to write more for it, get deeper into how some key events of Gintama would happen in this universe. I have it all outlined and some scenes even written down, but the chances of really ending it are low.
> 
> Comment or tweet me at @AkikoKitsune if you want to convince me to continue it


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